Nigerian preachers are corrupting the Gospel

The Parable of the Sower  is a well-known Bible passage in which Jesus illustrates our different responses to God’s word. In the parable, a certain sower went out to scatter seed, some of which fell:

  • on the path and were devoured by birds;
  • on rocky ground and, because they had no roots, were scorched by the sun
  • among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants and
  • on good earth, where it yielded thirty, sixty, and a hundredfold.

The parable is quite straightforward, especially as Jesus Himself explains what it means (see Mathew 13: 18-23). However, today at church, it took on a new meaning as I listened to the visiting priest give his sermon.

Choosing to ignore Jesus’ interpretation of the parable, the priest proceeded to offer his own. According to him, Jesus’ purpose was to highlight three different enemies of our progress:

  • demonic birds that fly at night to steal God’s blessing from us;
  • invisible scorching suns that gradually steal our progress, with an aim to take us from grace to grass;
  • evil persecutors who choke us of God’s blessing in a bid to drag us down with them.

On the backdrop of this twisted interpretation and disingenuous fear-mongering, the priest went on to prophesy restoration unto the congregation.

Now that he had the congregation setup, he delivered his punchline. I paraphrase:

“We have prayed against these enemies of progress so you are now like the good earth that produces crop. But if you go back to the passage, you’ll see that some produced crop thirty, sixty or hundred fold. Do you know why they had varying yields?”

He explained that the amount of sacrifice (time and money) you give determines how many folds of (mostly material) blessing you will receive. This has nothing to do with the parable, which focuses on God’s word, not God’s blessings.

Finally, he enjoined (more like cajoled) everyone to come out with ₦1,000 each when it was time to “unveil the harvest”.

Last Sunday, we were handed pamphlets; written on them were four proposed harvest themes. Such a delicate matter as choosing a harvest theme — a spiritual proclamation that will be used throughout the season — requires special attention. Which is why everyone was expected to pray about it and come back this Sunday with their chosen theme in mind.

But rather than casting lots — like the Apostles did — or employing other spirit-led means, we had to vote using our money. There were four baskets each representing a theme. The one with the highest number of ₦,1000 notes would obviously decide the harvest theme.

People were encouraged to vote for more than one theme (each vote worth ₦1,000). In addition, anybody who was “moved by the Spirit” to donate ₦5,000, ₦10,000 and above was welcome to bring it today or over the course of the next two weeks, after which the winning theme will be announced. For me, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I think it is sad that we now live in an age where money gets to decide God’s will for the church. Now, I am not against giving your resources to the church. Anyone who knows me knows how much of my time and, when I can, money I dedicate to church work every week. I however do not subscribe to the enslaving demands most Nigerian pastors/priests make of their congregation. God’s blessings just don’t work that way ; it’s high time more people realised the truth.

God have mercy on us all.

Someone needs to ban bus marketers and preachers in Lagos

Sidenote: I wrote this 4 years go. I still feel the same way.

Lagos Public transportation sucks big time. Not only do commuters have to bear the unbearable heat, heavy traffic, and claustrophobic conditions, but once in a while, we also have to condone wailing bus marketers and preachers.

I can’t be the only person who finds them annoying, can I? I mean, if I wanted to listen to the Word of God, I would go to church or play me some Joel Osteen podcasts or whatever. I have enough trouble coping with the heat and random body odour, while I try to collect my thoughts in preparation for the day. The last thing I need is someone disrupting whatever is left of my peace of mind.

This morning I had to commute from Ogba to Yaba. If you’ve ever boarded any of those direct buses from Ogba to Yaba/Ojuelebga, you’d know how damn uncomfortable they are. Especially during rush hour (every hour is rush hour in Lagos), with the tight spaces and traffic-induced bumpy rides.

I just had to be sitting close to the door. Just at the edge, some dude was peddling his wonder drugs. I tried to ignore him; fail. These guys are damn good at making sure you don’t ignore them. He had drugs for almost every ailment; toothache, skin disease, high blood pressure… all for ”giveaway” prices of 50/100 Naira and all “NAFDAC approved“.

About 20 minutes later (seemed like forever) the bus finally filled up and we were ready to go. I heaved a sigh of relief. “Some respite at last”, I thought to myself.  The driver turned on the ignition and suddenly from nowhere –- actually, the seat behind me –- the unexpected preacher cleared his throat and started doing his thing. It was like from frying pan to fire. These people don’t even give you breathing space.

We were all packed in the bus like sardines, everyone would hear you even if you whispered, but this man had to shout for full effect. Dude was shouting directly into my ear. Let me not even mention the spit-baths.  I pulled up my headphones to play some music, didn’t help. (mental note: I need to replace those damn headphones). I left them there any way to pass a message to him that I wasn’t listening.

The guy preached on for the most part of the journey. The usual stuff; repent; hell; heaven… yidi yada. Nothing we haven’t heard before. What usually baffles me is how they assume everyone in the bus must be a Christian. I’m a Christian but I can imagine how a Muslim or Atheist would feel about some stranger invoking the blood of Jesus on him. Anyway, the guy went on and on and all that was going through my mind was “when do the offertory envelopes come out”, ’cause it mostly always ends that way. And I wasn’t wrong, soon the guy was distributing envelopes and assuring us that “God can never owe you”. A few of the gullible ones accepted the envelopes. The woman sitting next to me put in ₦100!

One woman got down at Palmgrove and she needed some change to settle her fare. She handed the preacher ₦500 to help her change it. He refused. She and some other passenger asked if it was because the offertory wasn’t up to ₦500 and his response was… wait for it…. “we don’t give change anyhow”. I was too weak to laugh. I’m assuming that woman was one of those who didn’t collect his envelope. Some oga at the top seriously has to do something about these guys. At the expense of coming off as shallow in my knowledge of government administration, shouldn’t Fashola have a say in these things?

Photo credit: Bankole Oluwafemi.

3 things that could destroy Nigeria’s music industry

Sidenote: I wrote this about 4 years ago. While I can’t help wincing at the headline and writing, it’s amazing how much of my thinking here remains valid.

The quality of Nigerian music is on a steady decline. Don’t be fooled by all the hype and new-found appeal outside our shores. It’s only a fad that will last, at best, a few more years (*wince*, in hindsight), if we don’t do something about our music.

It might not be apparent now, but it will be in the very near future. There’s a reason why the Felas, KSAs and Obes of the past are still relevant. 

May I just add that what I’m about to share is my opinion and while you’re allowed to openly disagree, you’re not expected to resort to name calling, and cursing, to make your point. You will only end up being judged as one of the problems with the industry. Thank you :)


The current business model for the typical Nigerian Artiste is:

  • Record a song every other week, saturate all entertainment blogs with free downloads of your music. Make sure the fans never forget you exist.
  • Later, release your CD, don’t bother marketing it much, sell it cheap, make some spare change
  • Accept to do as many cheap shows as you possibly can, choosing quantity over quality. This is where you will make the bulk of your money.

That’s how it has worked over the past decade. Things are not about to change anytime soon. It the artistes actually made enough money from step 1 and 2, they would actually do less of step 3. They would spend more time preparing for fewer shows. Because let’s face it, they put out mediocre performances. It’s something the fans have come to expect and are no longer bothered about. I’m not a fan of Jay Z but I have to admit he’s one of the most accomplished live performers of his time. Charge more for better quality and the fans would not mind.


Quite simply put, auto-tune is killing music, not just in Nigeria but all over the world. But it’s worse here in Nigeria. Even 8 year-olds now use auto-tune before they learn to sing. Even musicians who we know can sing now use auto-tune. A friend once opined that sometimes it’s not the artistes who ask for it, the mixer does it to make their songs sound “more commercial”. While a little auto-tune may be necessary for effect it shouldn’t be overused. Most of these guys just get your hopes raised high that you get disappointed when you see their live performances. It’s annoying.


Music should always be about the fans right? Wrong. Steve Jobs, who was regarded as one of the greatest visionaries of our time, had a way of putting it:

“A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.”

As radical and impractical as that sounds, I have to agree with him in this context.

Nigerian music fans don’t know what they want until you show it to them. You might think they want soulless and unlyrical party-jammers all the time, because you always get positive feedback, but the truth is they don’t know what they really want until you show it to them. The year Asa released her single Jailer, there dozens of party-jammers reigning at that time, how many of them captured the souls of Nigerians better than Jailer?

Another thing is that the fans are sentimental. If an artistes releases a song that hits today, the fans are sold and every other song he releases from then on is a “jam”. That’s before he gets on their wrong books, either because he broke up with their favourite celebrity, or she’s a haughty actress. But as long as you’re in their good books, if you keep releasing the same crap that the other guys release, it will always be a jam.

And die-hard fans don’t let other fans voice their opinions. How dare you say anything negative about Wizkid’s music? Even if you’re being objective, you’re tagged as a hater. I don’t understand how anyone who doesn’t know an artiste personally could possibly be beefing him? Sigh

I’m not exactly against people creating the kind of music they want to create. My only problem is that there’s never a market for variety. In the US for example, there’s a market for every kind of music; lyrical and unlyrical; soulless and mindless, uplifting and mentally degrading. But back home, you either sing like everyone else is singing or die a broke wannabe. Now that’s wrong, very wrong

Everything they taught you in physics class was a lie

Sidenote: This post was originally conceived by my much younger mind. It was intended to be satirical but I honestly don’t know what I was thinking then.

Physics was one of my favourite subjects back in Secondary (High) School days. If I remember correctly, we were taught that only heat is transferred, cold (or coldness if you would) only being the absence of heat.

In other words, a body or object only feels cold because it has lost heat; either to an object that conducts heat or to human contact. I perfectly understood that and I never argued.

But today, something got me rethinking this concept. I was hungry and I decided (being the lazy cook I am) that cooking beans pottage would be my best option. So I got out the beans container from the freezer and poured out a few cups into a bowl. I added some water to wash the beans and what do you know; the water turned cold instantly!

Now how does one explain that? I know, I know, I can already hear some of the brighter minds reading this thinking “duh, the water lost heat to the beans which is why it felt cold”. Clap for yourself! What if I told you the water I poured was already cold in its own right? What exactly qualifies as cold anyway?

I’m not a physicist but I wish I was –- I would develop some theory to debunk all these established “laws”. Would it really be out of place to say that coldness was actually transferred from the beans to the water? I can imagine that such a suggestion would raise a lot of objection in the science community.
Let me just ask: before Einstein discovered fission (or was it Marie Curie?), didn’t everyone believe that the atom was indivisible? And before Galileo proposed that the earth was indeed spherical, didnt everyone believe the earth was flat? Many laws have been broken and many more will be.

Unless you have a more convincing explanation to the above stated phenomenon, I hereby postulate that coldness can also be transferred and, by extension, that everything we were taught in physics class was a lie.

Who’s with me? Who’s against me? Choose wisely now, I might be the next Galileo :)

Hello world!

Hello world. A little over 6 years ago, I fell into the world of blogging. Fast forward to 2013, I got lazy and lost it — the blogging streak and my site. I can’t even renew the domain.

My first assignment is to revive the content I could salvage and republish them here. I don’t look forward to how horrible my writing may have been. Anyway, wish my luck.

And oh… it’s my birthday. Convenient right?